A Return to the Past
by ADreamMadeFlesh
Summary: A late night study session turns into a declaration of love and confusion over whether or not past feelings can return.
1. Chapter 1

Lily and Sirius leaned back on the couch laughing over another one of Sirius's disastrous girl stories.

"It official," Lily choked out between laughs. "You are incapable of being attracted to any normal girls."

"Hey, wait now," Sirius half-heartedly defended himself. "What about Medrona? She was a sweet girl!"

"Yes, she was until she dyed her hair green and started leaving watching spells throughout the castle so she could constantly see you." Lily solemnly responded, eyes laughing.

She was enjoying this. Although she had known Sirius since their 1st year, it was only recently that they had become close. Of all James's friends, Remus was the only one that she had been on good terms with-far before James even made it into her line of vision. No-Sirius had intrigued her, as he intrigued more than half the witches and muggles he met. There was something about that thick black hair and piercing eyes that made her heart skip a beat. However in the past few months something had changed and those eyes that were looking at her now had merely become the eyes of her best friend.

"But in all seriousness, there is the perfect girl out there for you. I know it! And if you want me to I will find her. That's a lie- I will find her whether you want me to or not."

"But how on earth could I settle for a perfect girl when perfection has already made itself known in you?" Sirius responded, clutching his heart and falling on Lily's lap, staring up at her.

Lily laughed again and playfully pushed him off. She had heard silly declarations like that from Sirius before but sensed that there was something more on his mind. She figured they were heading down a more serious path and instead of avoiding it, she indulged him saying, "Do you honestly want to find someone or are you content with who you are and where you are?"

Sirius sighed and stood up- walking to the fireplace. "I don't know Lil. I guess I was fine with it all until these past few weeks. You and James- I don't know- make me want what you have. That love, fire, passion, joy. Happinesss. Isn't that what most people want?"

Lily watched him from across the common room. She was completely confused by this new side of him yet humbled by his trust in confiding in her.

"I guess I was half serious before. You have become the ideal for my perfect woman. As a best friend, lover, playmate, soulmate." Sirius suddenly shook his head and kicked a stray coal back into the fire. "It's stupid, I know. Ignore what I said. Do you want to finish studying?"

Lily looked at him, bewildered as he made a move to their transfiguration books, long abandoned. She walked over to where he now sat and hugged him from behind, resting her head on his shoulder. She was unaware his strong frame tensing immediately at her touch. "You're sweet," Lily said. "But I swear to you Sirius Black, you will find a girl who you will love so dearly and passionately that you will forget all about your admiration for me."

"Damn it Lily!" Sirius growled leaping up and pushing away so forcefully that Lily could only cower from the floor where she had fallen.

She watched from there now. She watched as he paced back and forth with a rage so strong and yet he was completely silent. It was in that silence that she found fear not for her safety but for some impending event that she knew was upon them. The grandfather clock struck three am and almost immediately she heard a howl in the distance and her mind was flung backwards in time.


	2. Chapter 2

It was shortly after Lily and James had first began their relationship. He had just told her about his secret. That night he promised her that he would show her. They snuck out of the castle well past midnight and he had taken her down out of sight of the walls. Before he could change, Sirius appeared, furious. He grabbed James by his collar and dragged him off a distance where he began speaking in strained tones. She couldn't see Sirius face nor hear what he was saying. Lily could, however, see James and his face immediately turned white as a sheet. He ran back to her and started pulling her back towards the castle. Sirius stood, half watching them and half looking out in the direction of the woods.

Suddenly they all heard a howl and Lily fell as James jolted to a stop and stared past her into the woods. She too looked and saw, only a few meters away, a werewolf. It was a strange looking creature. More human that the muggle lore she had grown up with. She was, however painfully aware of what they were capable of. That awareness terrified her as she saw the werewolf was looking directly back at her. She was paralyzed with fear and only barely heard James say, "I'm so sorry. I forgot. I thought I had a few more days before the full moon." But that didn't make any sense. How could he have known about a werewolf? Why hadn't he told Dumbledore?

Those cold, wild eyes that were staring her down now flickered for a moment and she saw something almost human looking at her. Unconsciously, she stepped forward towards him, it. James grabbed her but it was too late.

It happened so fast. The werewolf let out a howl and lunged forward- towards Lily. But it was quickly knocked to the side by a blur. Suddenly the werewolf was fighting with a great black dog.

Again, James was attempting to explain but his voice was lost to her. She stood there watching. It all made sense. James wasn't the only one.

Those strange inside jokes. The late night wanderings. Remus's strange behavior every month. She couldn't believe they had kept this hidden. From the ministry. The school. Her. This was stupid. They were endangering everyone by keeping this a secret. He should be locked away. Shouldn't he? Lily thought back on her friendship with Remus. The gentlest, kindest, sweetest boy she knew- a monster?

The werewolf and the dog continued to fight; one gaining the upper hand and then quickly losing it to the other. Both let out fearsome howls as they bit and clawed at each other. Lily knew that she should be terrified for her life as the two beasts drew closer and closer to her, despite the Sirius's best efforts to keep the werewolf as far away as possible. She was, however, not the least bit afraid. What she was was mesmerized. The werewolf interested her only so much as in the intellectual sense. But the dog, Sirius, was fixated in her mind. The broad and flexible muscles beneath that mass of black fur. The powerful jaw and sharp teeth. All of which was doing one thing. Protecting her. As the werewolf delivered a deep cut to Sirius's right shoulder he howled out in pain. Immediately, the main clock up at the castle struck 3 am.

Lily had lost all track of James. She thought he must have run to get help but who else knew the boys secrets? It didn't seem to matter any more because Sirius had finally driven the werewolf back into the forest. He had driven Remus back into the forest. Remus was a werewolf. It was human. It was her friend. Sirius had saved her. From her friend?

Lily expected Sirius to change back immediately but he appeared to be too energized. He instead paced back and forth growling. She stepped forward, calling out his name. She hoped to calm him down; to help him in some way. At the sound of her voice, Sirius turned towards her and began advancing. The growling stopped but the intensity in those coal black eyes frightened her more than the fight or the werewolf had. As he drew closer and closer, Lily struggled to find breath.

Suddenly he stopped, turned, and bounded away into the forest. She heard James and Peter run up behind her but they were too late. The fight was over. Sirius and Remus were gone. And she was still unable to breathe.


End file.
